ALTERNATE UNIVERSES & HYGIENE

Alternate universes, in general, are classified as universes other than the one you currently occupy, or any large round body of galaxy crud, other than your own large round body of galaxy crud.

The subject of alternate universes is often dismissed, due to the fact that understanding it is either impossible, or boring to the point that if you try to understand it, your internal organs will quickly slither up your spine, and throttle your cerebrum for attempting such a completely absurd endeavour, and I know from experience that brain throttling is not at all pleasurable in any way.

Therefore, they are classified under "The Whole Sort of General "Mish-Mash". As you know, The Whole Sort Of General Mish-Mash does not exist, so attempting to get any information out of it is a very taxing effort indeed, only remotely possible if you happen to be able to see it, and have a large blunt object to hit it with. Of course, I do not recommend that, as giving The Whole Sort of General Mish-Mash a headache could have dire consequences on the shellfish population, who depend on it to supply them with abstract concepts.

The only remotely comprehensible explanation was given to me by a colleague of mine, who was an extreme masochist, and rather enjoyed having his brain throttled. He said, and I quote: "Every universe is like a pigeon. If you eat it, the feathers will get caught in your teeth, and then you'll have to brush them, won't you?" This made obvious sense to him, but none whatsoever to anyone else, but I pretended to understand, and promptly paid him 50 quid which he likely used to buy himself more narcotics and Disaster Area CDs.

My conclusion on the subject is that all universes are linked together by the one common bond, that they have nothing in common whatsoever, therefore, they cannot buy pigeons, at any price, which makes them completely unable to brush their teeth, or otherwise engage in any hygienic activities at all.

That concludes this article, now if you'll excuse me, my kidneys are moving dangerously close to my skull.