CANADIANS Part 2

Since the beginning of time, man has fought against the cold. One school of thought on the subject was that if we wore lots of clothes and stayed indoors, then we'd be fine. Most cultures throughout history have developed their own means of staying warm, fire was invented, or rather discovered, fur became quite fashionable, then in the early nineteen-hundreds a civilised people said, "It's damn cold out. Let's strap metal blades to our feet and thwock each other with wood sticks."

And so the great Canadian tradition which is hockey was born. The Canadian propensity and willingness to play a game when most people would rather be drunk was thought to be strange throughout the rest of the galaxy, until the rest of the galaxy realised that hockey was meant to be played while drunk. The fact that this sport is played by sober athletes making more money than God does nothing to dissuade drunken Canadian teenagers from playing this game in the middle of the street during the summer months.

With this great game came the need for food and beverages for the spectators. The heartattack meal was born. Poutine, a strange concoction that would drop a cow in a matter of seconds and make McDonalds look like health food. If indeed one is ready to take on the task of eating one of these destructive dishes, be forwarned! The combination of French fries and gravy may not seem too distressing at first, but when the addition of nearly an ounce of Cheddar cheese curds is made, the result is almost complete arterial blockage.

There is also a popular drink, that some historians will argue was brought to Canada specifically to wash down the mighty food that is Poutine, to go along with it. BEER! The stronger the better. It's no use washing down a large Poutine with a Budweiser or Coors Light, one must partake of domestic Canadian brews to get the full effect. Sleemans, Unibroue or Molson Canadian are fine choices to contest the battle for your insides as the Poutine tries to make its voice heard, and it will.

Some say that this combination of deadly foods, deadly drinks and deadly sports is what made Canadians as a people so nice. Of course we have loud, obnoxious neighbors, but then who doesn't. It's not the Americans' fault they're like that, it's their upbringing that did it. Imagine baseball without what they laughingly call beer. Our fast food is better, our beer is better, our sports are better. We're just better, and nicer. We never nuked anyone. It wasn't for lack of wanting to, after all they just live beside us.