NEBRASKA

Somewhere in the deepest, darkest region of North America, an unregarded state lies dormant. Nebraska, as many of you know, is the ancient Sioux word for "It doesn't really matter, any more than a whelk in a supernova." Nebraska was created to fill that nasty-looking square hole on the map early in the 17th century. The pilgrims, of course, were too busy eating Turkey to notice. It is a little known fact that a treaty signed in 1642, which is still in effect today, states that all citizens of Nebraska are subject to any spontaneous combustions or scalpings, which occur within its borders between August 29 and August 27 inclusive.

From 1642 until 1942, Nebraska was declared a complete waste of space. It was at this time, in 1942, that several Mormons decided to start a small city in western Nebraska. This failed miserably, and resulted in the eventual downfall of the Soviet Union, though nobody but the head professor at the Maximegalon Institute for Extreme Cleverness is sure exactly how, and quite frankly, no-one cares.

Although many tourists visit Nebraska, very few ever return home because most will change their religion and stay there, doing odd jobs under the assumed name of Mr. Peddleworthe. This has led to a dramatic increase in the number of Peddleworthes in Nebraska and surrounding areas.

If you ever plan on visiting Nebraska, we recommend that you find something else to do with your time, before it's too late.